Bollywood singer Kanika Kapoor faced such an incident recently when an unidentified man grabbed her legs mid-stage at her concert in Meghalaya, seemingly attempting to lift her; the videos of which went viral recently on social media.
Who wants to go back to a memory that shakes your core every time you think of it? All of 11-12, I was commuting alone in a Delhi bus, and noticed a man in his late 40s with a typical regional accent who was talking loudly on his phone. I slightly giggled. He noticed. Maybe he took offence. Then I got a seat. Just at the next bus stop, he sat right beside me and kept his bag in front (as a cover). Just when I was about to move to make some space, he pinched my waist and smirked. I tried to push his hand away and got up before he tried it again…I gave him an alarmed look and an elbow punch to just express how angry I felt. In the next minute, I arrived at my stop with feelings of extreme hate, anguish, and wanting to punch people around. While I didn’t quite understand what really happened that fateful day, it taught me to be extremely careful in public spaces and always keep a bag, wear a stole as a safety measure.
Years later, I understood it was groping, a form of sexual assault, which left me with an unsafe, uncomfortable feeling, such that I still feel disgusted at the thought of such men and predators in our society. Notably, groping is any form of unwanted, non-consensual physical touch in intimate or private areas. “It is not misbehaviour, not accidental, not over-friendliness. It is a violation of bodily autonomy. It is a person’s attempt to take power without permission, using the body as the easiest point of access,” shared psychotherapist Delnna Rrajesh, who is also a life coach.
It’s 2025, and we still have to grapple with the reality of such lurking predators who make for headlines every other day. And even celebrities are not spared. Bollywood singer Kanika Kapoor faced such an incident recently when an unidentified man grabbed her legs mid-stage at her concert in Meghalaya, seemingly attempting to lift her; the videos of which went viral recently on social media. Hollywood singer Ariana Grande was groped by an Australian man “who jumped over a barricade and grabbed the star” at the Asian premiere for Wicked: For Good in Singapore in November this year. While the accused in this case, Johnson Wen, 26, was sentenced to nine days in prison for being a “public nuisance” and has been “barred from re-entering Singapore”, according to the country’s Immigration and Checkpoints Authority (ICA), it is no-brainer that he is a repeat-offender considering he had a history including jumping on stage at singer Katy Perry’s Sydney concert in June earlier this year, according to BBC.
Most people have had such horrific experiences, with young females and women even carrying safety pins and other sharp objects to create space in crowded public transports. A confidante, who didn’t wish to be identified, told me, “I am very particular about keeping a sharp object like a pin in my hair and alongside my necklace to deal with such rogue elements.”
Parina (name changed), 49, a Mumbai resident and a mother of two, recalled an incident that occurred near a railway station in Mumbai about five years ago. “A man tried to touch me inappropriately in the crowd. I immediately realised what he was doing. Without thinking for even a second, I caught hold of him. I removed my chappal and started hitting him. I reacted instinctively because I had seen him harass women multiple times before,” shared Parina, a business owner.
Fortunately, in her case, “the crowd actually supported me”. “People joined in and helped stop him. Because of this, I am not scared of crowds,” said Parina.
Something similar happened with a 35-year-old working professional who recalled an incident back from 2014 when she was groped in a public place, like New Delhi’s Connaught Place. “This man touched my breasts. I had a packet in my hand and beat him with it. Then everyone around me started hitting him too. It’s one instance where I realised that if you’re in a public space, you can scream and shout,”
She also expressed her disappointment at having “a list of such incidents to share”.
A 32-year-old recalled how she, as a 15-year-old attending her cousin’s marriage, faced such an experience in a busy market area. “I was frozen…things happened so fast. I had a delayed reaction. I just shouted while the person got mixed in the crowd,” she said.
Male survivors and molestation
And gender has nothing to do with it. Men, too, have faced such incidents. Venkat, a 39-year-old researcher, recalled a 2003 incident when he was walking to go to the bus stop when a person stopped his scooter to ask for directions. “Before I could complete, he also offered to drop me en route as he was anyway going to go past the bus stop to his destination. At this point, I was not aware that he was familiar with the route and was just looking for someone to mess with,” he opened up.
He continued, “Once I sat on the pillion seat of his TVS 50, he began to thrust himself on me without realising my bag was separating the two of us. Yet he kept thrusting, asking how it feels, etc. When I resisted, he abruptly stopped his vehicle, and as I began to lunge at him, he sped past in his moped. As with all such events, it left me traumatised for a few days and made me wary of strangers.”
Venkat also opened up about facing at least “two more episodes in Chennai in the 2004-07 period during my daily commute to college in the suburban train”.
He expressed how those men were extremely skilled “feelers” who had the knack of walking up to you and “feeling” the nether regions, and leaving the spot in a jiffy, all in a matter of 3-5 seconds. “They would do this and go back to their very spots knowing full well that we wouldn’t be able to retaliate for lack of evidence,” shared Venkat.
He also added how, despite wearing his bag across his belt region, “they would find a way to sneak past my defence”. “Some of these men are also very overpowering in their demeanor and stature that one chooses to leave the place in anger/inability to retaliate rather than confront the abuser,” said Venkat.
And as with all such episodes, one is left hurt, traumatised, and full of rage..
“The rage, at least in my case, was because I was always aware of this happening and would still find myself unable to prevent/defend myself,” Venkat rued.
Groping doesn’t happen impulsively
People often think groping happens suddenly or impulsively. “It doesn’t. It comes from a very specific mindset. It stems from a distorted belief that the other person’s comfort, boundaries or consent do not matter. The perpetrator sees the other person not as a human being, but as an object that can be touched, tested, or taken advantage of,” reflected Delnna.
According to Delnna, it is a combination of entitlement, thrill seeking, lack of empathy, and the belief that they will get away with it. “When crowds are dense or attention is scattered, this belief becomes stronger because anonymity gives them perceived power,” said Delnna.
Why does it happen, psychologically?
People who grope often seek a momentary sense of dominance or control. It gives them a feeling of emotional and sexual power without the risk of rejection. “It is rarely about sexual attraction. It is about psychological gratification. They rely on shock, silence, and shame to protect themselves because victims often freeze instead of fighting or shouting. That freeze response is biological, not weakness, but perpetrators count on it,” described Delnna.
Another layer is normalisation. “Many people grow up seeing casual boundary violations brushed off as jokes, harmless mischief, light flirting, or ‘boys will be boys’. When early disrespect is normalised, serious violations feel less like crimes to the offender,” said Delnna.
What to note and what needs to change
Delnna asserted that the responsibility is not on the victims to behave differently. She explained that it is on society to understand that groping is a deliberate act, not an accident. “We need stronger language, not softer excuses. Call it assault. Call it a violation. Encourage people to report. Teach children early about consent and personal boundaries. And create environments where women and men understand one truth clearly: your body is yours. No one has the right to touch it without permission,” said Delnna.
As a mother of two daughters, Parina advised, “Do not stay quiet. No matter who the person is, if someone crosses a line, they must be confronted immediately. If someone misbehaves, they deserve to be called out and stopped loudly and publicly. Chup mat raho (Don’t stay quiet),”